butterflies kisses
winter wonder fair
starlight lite glitters
flashes through the air
 
velvet colored roses
drape the victorian wall
smoked mirrored pictures
occupy the hall
 
 
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You choose.

I will continue to encourage as my heart is divinely inspired.

I dare to venture into the world unseen ,  into the supernatural realm of subjects  unspoken.

I will brave, face or confront what ever is placed before me. With boldness I will stand up without a flinch, I will go through fire and in harms if that is where I’m lead.

I will try to look beyond my own needs and wants, I boldly stretch my thoughts and my mind  beyond my comfort zone.

I may be lonely, but I know I am not alone. I am unafraid, and confident in what I believe. I will not fear or be frighted for I know my God I serve.

Dont dread, but welcome, the living word, that you may be filled and consumed, that the old you may shrink and waste away, as the new you is recreated with things of God.

Wonderful things, amazingly extraordinary.

It’s a choice and a desire, not a command.

Change course now before it’s too late. Sail away to a new exciting existence that has been specifically purposed for you.

Take consideration and preparation as you weigh your options.

My heart was captured without sudden warning, as
I gracefully surrendered.

Dont be lost, trip and fall, the dark is a very desolate and lonely place.

Choose the light that last forever after.

Eternity is a long time.

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stripped

I have to run away if only but a moment. It’s a mommy time-out. I’m relearning how to be a mom. For so long, I was non functioning.

There were a handful of times I believed I was dying, and there has been a handful more when I prayed to die.

I cherish each precious available moment as I’ve learned how unpredictable and valuable our time truly is.

I thank God for times of bliss. Usually in the midst of something terribly uneventful but priceless.

Today it was eating ice cream in the car with Madison while parked. Just us, eating our favorite ice cream, while admiring the backdrop our creator has created.

If only but a second. All else seems to fade away. If I could I would pause time.

But instead, I once again thank our Lord.

I know I am today in the midst of a preordained and predestined journey that I willfully choose to follow.

I’m not ashamed.
I know I am called for something greater than even I can understand.

I feel I have had my own personal encounter with God and death.

I’ve faced death in the eye. I laid lifeless and mumbled to myself.. If this is your will take me.

I feel through my faithfulness in believing down to the moment of what I believed to be my last, God has blessed me and faithfully guided me securely every day.

He continues to open my eyes to things unseen by once veiled eyes. It’s almost like a mystery is unraveling slow motion.

Things that never made sense make perfect sense.

I can’t help but to think had I not endured and continue to endure I could have possibly missed my personal encounter with Christ.

I don’t understand, nor do I need to. It’s by faith we believe.
What I’ve experienced on this road less traveled I wouldn’t trade or change.

I always prayed to have the eyes of Christ. To see things as he would see them.
I think my prayers were answered.

Although I wouldn’t have chosen illness to be the gateway. I have now learned I needed to be stripped before I could be clothed.

Thru my illness though I may have and continue to struggle, I will not curse or question why.

I will gracefully follow and continue to follow.

I do know if God revealed the same thing to everyone, his work wouldn’t get done.

Thank You Lord Jesus for loving me so much that I may be allowed to be used by you.

There is always light in the midst of the dark. For we are light, the light set upon the hill, for the world to see.

Father God I pray in these days blinders may be removed as you do a mighty work in the hearts set before you.

I pray we rise up as a nation and call on non other than the name above all names, that you may be exalted as we seek you, your word and your truth.

I thank you for what you have done and continue to do.

It’s in your precious name I pray..

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Passover 2011

I sit in the silence, alone. So aware of every nerve and muscle in my body I can’t seem but to notice. My fingers feel pretty crippled. Hands are very stiff. Shoulders and neck are extremely tight. Dizzy, I’m always dizzy. I live with brain fog on a daily basis. It changes a moment to moment at times. There are times it’s so intense you wouldn’t be surprised if you actually dropped dead. Sometimes even waiting for the moment to happen.

You don’t know when your breath will be its last. What would you do differently if you knew there really was a Jesus and God, and you were gonna die in an hour and stand in front of him and hold an account of your life. What would you say? What would he say to you??

All the answers are in the bible, the Bible is life’s manual written by none other than your creator. The one who shaped your face, colored your eyes, and formed your heart..

There are several times I have felt I could die during my unending surreal adventure I call life. I’ve told Maddy “if anything happens to mommy, you know you have to help with sissy, right?

 I was ready, It wasn’t what I wanted but if it’s what was gonna happen, I was prepared. I knew if the Lord called me home where I was going would be good. Good beyond belief and behind beyond belief  lied the pearly gates of heaven.

 Remember ….  “TO live is Christ, To die is GAIN”

We will be on this journey but a short time. In the heavenly realm it will count for only a moment. Our focus isn’t supposed to be earthy thoughts and possessions , but on the things of the eternal. The things of the heavens.

What is your life?  Who do you serve?  Do you serve yourself, money, your job, your addictions??

I have chosen to serve the Lord.

Imagine the best feeling you ever felt.. Close your eyes, go there and allow yourself to remember that moment and feel that overwhelming feeling within of complete perfectness. Some much joy , your whole body and soul feels it from the tip or your nose to the tip of your toes.

Now that, x’s 300 is what having the word of God and Jesus in your heart feels like. I don’t care if  people mock me. Jesus was mocked. Of course I will be mocked, I should be, if I stand for him!

My life with Christ is so much more than I knew it could ever be. My worst day with Jesus is better than my best day without him! We don’t lose our life by accepting Christ. WE GAIN IT!!! ( ITS ETERNAL LIFE, LIFE IN HEAVEN FOREVER AND EVER!!!!

I am chronically ill on a DAILY basis with an invisible dis-ease. I know God is using me right this very moment. I wouldnt trade for the world. My life is different from most of yours. I havent worked in over 4 years, and am home most days. So I may see things differently due to the amount of time I have invested.

My words aren’t sufficient to describe the amount of joy and peace that come from the grace and forgiveness of God. The Bible says ” one day EVERY knee will bow and EVERY tongue will confess “… Well friends, that would include you too!! I’m not willing to gamble on eternity! Sorry! I choose to believe.

My family has left to celebrate the passover. They attend the family Seder each year.

Please, search you hearts, we are in crazy times my friends, look around, look up!

Are you ready? Or will you be passed over?

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My journey with medical Marijuana

My journey with medical Marijuana.

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My journey with medical Marijuana

I want to speak about being a believer and medical Marijuana.

I was never a pot smoker, didn’t care for it, and had low tolerance for people who smoked.

I always associated smoking with personal pleasure and could have never understood the use of “medical marijuana.”

Over the course of my illness, I had been prescribed every med known to man.

From pain meds..To anxiety meds. To sleep meds. You name it, chances are I have it.

I had different people suggest Marijuana which I laughed and thought ” yeah right.”

I couldn’t separate medical and personal in my head.

After all, I loved the Lord and now I’m gonna be smoking pot. How can I share the gospel and share how God has changed me and made me new while using Marijuana??

Within a few months time I had 3 different doctors ask me the same thing. Have you tried Marijuana yet?

It wasnt until one doctor who happened to be a believer said ” God made every good and bearing seed.” He was sure it would help me and really encouraged me try it. He told me ” don’t quit right away, it will take a few times to find your right strain.”

After my own personal struggle I came to the conclusion I was at the point of desperation and it was a MEDICAL decision. My cabinet full of MAN MADE MEDS were not only addicting ( which means withdrawal at some point ) but they over time reek havoc on an already compromised body and immune system…

So off I went to the doctors and was given a license.

I love the Lord and I use medical Marijuana.

Truth be told, It saved me.

There are mornings I medicate before getting out of my bed.

To all my believer friends, shame on you if you’re judging now.

Out of ALL people Christians are the ones who are supposed to be less judgemental , but seem to be the most.

I too was one.  I have learned through this not to judge.

You look at me and think I look fine. Remember the old saying ” looks can be deceiving”

I once said ” I would NEVER smoke Pot”.. Amazing how that never say never works…

I also never imagined I’d be chronically sick, with LYME DISEASE and PARASITES in my RED BLOOD CELLS…

The medical Marijuana store is like going to a regular pharmacy..

You go in, sign in, give them your license and ID, then tell buzz you threw.

In the beginning it was very overwhelming. I felt lost and a little stupid.

There are two main types. Stativa and Indica. Then each of these have about 15 different strains. So just like man-made meds, its trial and error to see what works for you.

It also comes in many other forms, all of which I have tried, but smoking seems to be most beneficial.

I have no shame and honestly quite thankful so many people pushed it.

After a few weeks I asked my children if they have noticed any difference in mommy, and they both said yes. I explained mommy has a new medicine and that has what has been helping. Maddy asked to see it, I said ok, just like it was any other med.

My hope is my girls grow up knowing Marijuana only as medication.

If I were to hide this, then it would be wrong. I believe it’s all how we present things.

I always say if you have to hide it, probably shouldn’t be doing it.

I am at peace with where I am at, and the treatments we have chosen.

I know God, I love God and he is using me like crazy.

Everyone’s walk is as different as our paths.

What may be right for you may not be right for me. 

LOVE ~ DON’T JUDGE!! 

Who knows… One day you could very well be in my shoes.

Never say never!! 

Oh, I also said ” I would “NEVER be a HOLY ROLLER”

Well Im a HOLY ROLLING my way to HEAVEN, and wouldnt change anything, EVEN my ILLNESS.

I am right where the Lord would have me.

 

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My father who died of Leukemia Jan26, 1995

So slowly but quickly

Just wasting away

No movement or speech

No words he could say

Alone by his side

I watch him dying

Secretly inside

Silently crying

Feeling a fear

Of what was to come

Knowing the future

Would leave me numb

Denying the truth

That lied ahead

With in a matter of hours

He’d soon be dead

Attached to tubes

Borrowing air

I rudely tell God

This isnt fair

 

Fighting for his life

And every breath

With in a matter of hours

No time is left

Each breath is a battle

He’s fighting to win

I know he knows

This is now the end

Fading quickly

I knew it was soon

My last ” i love you “

Then leaving the room

Letting go

Closing his eyes

It was in that last breath

He said his good-byes

Time has passed

Now close to three years

To accept your gone

Its just not clear

I have nothing left

Except this picture

I treasure

And the one thing I’ve learned

Nothings forever…

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