Well hello world,
Guess this is my first official blog…Blogging is like opening yourself up for the world to see you!! Other peoples personal thoughts I always find interesting. Im sure you’ll see very quickly my thoughts are scattered and I tend to forget mid sentence what I was gonna say. thats common for Lyme patiens..sometimes I don’t want to go in public for fear of running into someone and having to speak..ugh that’s the worst when you’re studdering left and right.
The weather is beautiful, it gives my soul new life, the crisp air, the green tops of all the palm trees..I love the view from my couch in my bedroom, I see the blue pool in my lower vision , bright green ahead and above the amazing mountains and clear blue sky. its like a painting ..I also love the sound of silence..or just listing to the sound of the gentle breeze..something about it brings me peace..
Today I did good. I took the girls for shakes and shopping, stores like target make me sick..physicially speaking.. its like being dropped off at a circus or rave on acid…No thanks…the lights, all the different colors, the noise, the people , carts, children, it literally causes extreme nausea.. I try…I push myself, it may not seem like a lot to them and I want to do more,but my body wont let me. example: hanging up clothes on a hanger…3 peices of clothing and i HAD to stop, my arm was on fire with pain. That’s the kind of stuff that’s frustrating. Even typing and spelling and reading at times are very diffucult. I mean I have always heard of fatigue or chronic illness, but I guess I never gave it half a thought. Then again, Why would I ?? We don’t pause long enough to imagine something we can even picture. We could never imagine what it would be like to be chronically ill, or terminal for that matter..
I never could have imagined being “sick.” I had heard of Lyme Disease but had no clue how debilitating and devastating it could be. I say, its like an underground disease.. meaning..people dont about it, there isn’t a cure, treatments are minimal, the war between the doctors and insurance company are insane..the list goes on and on..
New thought: 3 years ago I would have been set up an hour early to see my daughter in the veterans day parade, but instead im sitting in a semi dark room medicating. I would love to be there, but no way in hell would I goto a parade..I might as well give myself a sharp sick in the eye..
anyway..Madison looked beautiful and its amazing to see her grow up before my very eyes. I hope soon I will be able to do the things I used to do. The kids, they don’t understand, to them I look fine..I explain mommy wouldnt want to be anywhere else, she just can’t now. I like it if I’m having a good few hours I will go and surprise them. I hope they know how much i love them.
My back hurts right now, it almost feels like your are crippled up inside..so ill stretch as much as I can the opposite way trying to find relief. Lyme disease is so flipping crazy..there is over 100 symptoms. That’s insane, AND the pain migrates all over your body..you will never get it, till you got it.. there is no way for a non lyme person to begin, to comprehend whats its like…i say torture
So… I did it! My first blog. That was definitely a job…typing- re-typing, reading, re-reading..i’d have to call it a days work!
much love world..muah!!