I come to you broken this afternoon. Full of emotions. Sadness, loneliness and confusion. I woke up in pain, or should I say the pain woke me up. My knees feel like someone took a hammer to them over and over. I spent most of my morning in bed under the covers wrapped in my bathrobe next to my dog. ( little Annie, she’s like a living teddy bear )
I took a hot epsom bath and finally made my way to the backyard just to warm myself up. I need warmth from the suns rays..
Josh kindly brought me my shake and a macrobiotic bowl.
I medicate continually through out the day with cannabis. I’m growing tired of the actual method of medicating. It is quite dirty and messy. We bought a vaporizer but it takes so long and I broke the glass part. For me, it is beginning to hurt my lungs. I’m running behind on my med schedule. I laid in bed this morning looking at the hand full of meds, knowing I had to eat first. Many of my meds are things you take 3 x’s a day. Total pain in the ass.
I know as dark as I may feel, there is light. My hope for others prayer for me, has been to not let me loose faith, to have that fire inside, the faith to see me through. I’ve never fully lost faith ( came close ) but its like riding a bike…You cant ever fully forget. The skill is always there, it just has to be exercised.
The last few days the Lord has been arranging divine appointments and continual confirmation. He is always on time, never late , never early , but on time. For so long,
I would cry out telling the Lord, “reel me back in before you have lost me”. I know with all I am when I questioned my faith it was the prayers of those who took a few moments to intercede for me on my behalf.
It’s hard to explain. I have to believe that this dark time in my life will one day turn into something so victorious and glorious that every second of physical pain, despair and confusion will in a moment’s time be turned into something supernaturally wonderful.
Yes, I am in the dark, but because of those praying I know there is light!
Love U World!!!