Well Hello World,
A night without sleep.. I can’t think of anything that’s worse. Before Lyme I used to sleep like a baby..I love bed and love sleep. I love it so much I make bed angels all the time.
The insomnia was a slow process. It started off with waking up a lot having to use the bathroom during the middle of the night. Then there were random nights where falling asleep became very difficult. Then it became more and more.
In the middle of the night when I can’t sleep the only emotion I have is..hmm…I would have to say rage.
I started taking the double dose of natural sleep aid. When that no longer worked my doc prescribed me ativan. I started off at 2mg. That seemed to do the trick for a while , then I had to bump it up to 4mg. Which is quite a bit. Ativan has been a life saver and very faithful to me for the most part. There has been one other time when it stopped working. I can’t remember what I did then. The last few night has I have slowly been waking up earlier, tossing and turning, and haven’t been getting that full night sleep.
Sleep is incredibly important. First that’s when our wittle body heals , and second, if I don’t get enough sleep, it sends me into a very bad place symptom wise. Without sleep my nervous system starts wigging out and I will get electric jerks through my body.
Grace has her Thanksgiving party today. My goal is to be there come hell or high water. She asked me the other day “have you been sick since I was born?” My heart ached, and I thought no silly…” mommy has only been sick for 3 years,” She told me that is all she remembers or knows..I was shocked and horrified to think this is all she knows of me. Because I like to think I am a pretty cool mom under normal circumstances. She doesn’t remember I was there at every class party. She just knows I’m not there now. WOW!! That really hurts.
I don’t know how long I will be able to stay at the party, but it’s the showing up that counts. Being in a room full of first graders it like taking acid at the county fair. Way to over whelming. It’s these type of situations that can physically make me sick. Places that are too loud, busy with bright lights and lots of motion.
Well World, wish me luck as I try to pull myself together. All for the love of my child.
I pray God continually works on their hearts and provides supernaturally what I may be lacking during this season of our lives. His word says “all things come together for good.”
That would include this..