I feel… I’m not even sure how to explain. I do know I want to share a conversation I just had with my 6 yr old.
My mom was here tonight. We call her ” Gan. ” I was sharing a beautiful story with her, a friend shared with Josh and I today about the passing of his mother who suffered with cancer.
He told me how she laid asleep for three days with her mouth open and not a single movement. He said at any moment they were waiting for her last breath. After three days, out of no where she sat up, opened her eyes, smiled, took a big breath then passed gracefully into the hands of Jesus.
He shared a good friend of his moms made the comment ” he is real” she saw him. She saw Jesus. The thought of being escorted into his mighty presence is so joyful yet overwhelming all at once.
After I shared this story with my mom Grace started to well up with tears in her eyes. Afraid to ask what is wrong in fear I already knew the answer. She began to tell me this “mommy, when you told Gan the story I pictured you”
With all that I have in me I had to fight not to burst into tears. I know Grace is fearful of this. To hear it from her little voice tears me apart.
After holding her telling her ” mommy will be ok,” I felt empowered and helpless all at once. In that moment I wondered if through the eyes and cries of my child was the Lord working through Grace to give me the will to fight Lyme Disease. To fight for her, to fight for Madison? Leaving me with no other option but to trust in God, to trust in his plan and to trust it is perfect.
I will fight this with every ounce that I have. I will overcome, I will survive,
I will be victorious. I will speak life over myself from this day forward.
Grace wanted to make a bed on my floor tonight. When I said ” ok,” she came in my room with her blanket, duckie, pillow, bible and a picture of our family. As she set up her bed, I knew God was working through my child.
Thank you to my friend who shared his experience of his mothers journey to be with the our Lord. You have blessed me and strengthened me. I pray your family be comforted during this transition.
I did make it to Graces’ Thanksgiving feast. I told a friend, I was so excited to be there. When I arrived on campus I felt like my soul was running to her classroom slow motion to Chariots Of Fire.
Thank You for today, I fared so much better than I expected. Tomorrow I plan to go to Maddys chapel. I look forward to all the class parties and playdates my children will have. Thank You Lord for your grace today. I pray these meds work supernaturally in my body bringing healing and restoration.
Sweet dreams world!!
many hugs and kisses!