Hope everyone had a beautiful Thanksgiving!
It was just Josh and I, we missed everyone but it was nice to have some time alone.
Lyme Disease is like a rollercoaster. A rollercoaster that won’t stop. Like being a child lost at the amusement park. Your up, your down. Then you experience every emotion possible. Fear, confusion, despair, loneliness.
Imagine waking up one day with the flu. Everything hurts. Your weak, tired, fatigued. You feel like you don’t have an ounce of life or energy to even help yourself or care. You lay in bed over the weekend while your spouse picks up the slack and helps with the kids. All the while praying tomorrow will be better. and hopefully in a few days, it will have passed.
Now, Imagine you wake up day after day, week after week, month after month and nothing has changed, but only got worse.
Your weaker, not just your body hurts, but your bones hurt. It hurts your legs to lay. It hurts your back to stand. It feels crippling to just sit!
What the hell do you do??
How do you emotionally or mentally handle the physical breakdown of your body? How do you keep your mind strong and determined. To fight and not grow tired, or not begin to question?
Faith is like riding a bike. We all fall. I know the Lords plans are good but I also have moments when I have to redirect my thinking because I find myself fighting off thoughts of fear and what if’s.
They are not thoughts I choose to think, but creep in to my mind. I wonder how do you continually have a positive attitude while you feel your body weaken each day, while the pain is more often.
A few times today I cried out of fear, out of what if’s.
I ask Josh to reassure me I’m not going anywhere and I will get better. I also have to consciously stop myself and remember we can’t think two thoughts at once. I also have to remind myself that no matter what happens. If I truly believe and trust in God. I have nothing to fear. Right? The Bible says : “To live is Christ, To die is gain.”
So either way. Here and sick serving the Lord, and being stretched will only better me and refine me. Or If My time comes, I will be in his glorious everlasting presence.
My hope is of course the first. I don’t want to have moment’s of doubt. But, I believe it is when I push through those moments that my trust, and my faith becomes stronger.
Inner beauty is a result of pushed through pain.
We are like unpolished dirty diamonds, after each trial we get to shine just a bit. By the time the Lord has called us home. We will have been completely polished. By the hands of Jesus.
We can’t let fear or doubt run about our minds. We must think about whatever things are lovely, what ever is pure and whatever is true. Our focus must be on above, leaving no room for anything other than the mind of Christ.
No one ever said it would be easy. As we journey together my friends, we will overcome!
We must take the first step even when we don’t see the whole staircase and also remember..
God is good all the time, All the time God is good!
Sweet dreams World~