let me find God in all of this

Hello world,

Wonder who you are?? Ah, it is so beautiful outside and my souls sings listening to the sounds of nature. My eyes take joy in the shapes and ridges in the beautiful mountain. The clean crisp air, the sound of running water, the chirp of tiny birds….its like Heavens Gate.

So it is the 6th…That gives me ..5 more days. What if  I was right?

I probably couldn’t be so lucky.

Listen.. For me.. To live is Christ, to die is gain..

Either way it is a win, win situation.

But you see, If I know my God correctly I’m probably not done yet..

During this process there have already been MANY blessings that wouldnt have otherwise happened.  I may feel deathly sick, and have a hard time trying to pull it together,But in my heart I know without a doubt if God called me to carry this, then by all means it will be good! I may suffer daily.

But if its a lfetime, it is still but a moment.

Thats what is in my heart..

My body hurts something terrible. I feel old…My body feels old. I have carpol tunnel in both hands. So holding, opening, cutting, pouring..all those things are a task now. Where as before I never thought twice about opening a jar of jelly!

I take baths, showering takes up way to much energy and is exhausting.

Cant pick up my children or have them sit to long on my lap as it will start to hurt.

Used to love to refinish old furniture. No way Jose..can’t even hold a sander.

No longer do grocery shopping. Josh does. It became so overwhelming with the lights, the packaging, the loaded shelves, the noise…all of a sudden I couldnt think anymore and when I checked out I had no idea hat I just bought.

I missd both of my daughters xmas musicals this year. Before I was there an hour early to ensure a great seat.

Unless you have Lyme or other another Chronic illness. You will never understand, or could never underdstand.

It has to be lived. Words cant explain the different pains you have in a single day, or the confusion, or loss of memory. It’s like a drug counselor. Unless you stayed up tweaking for two days, you really don’t have a clue..

I try my best to explain what living with Lyme is like for me.

I hate it!

I feel robbed, empty, confused, tortured, stripped…

I don’t question why, I do ask how much more can I endure.

It’s usually right then, I get a random message from an old friend saying ” hang on”…

For me, I know that is the Lord’s way of saying ” see my child Iam right there with you”..He says ” he will never leave us or forsake us”

Think about it.. We are all so sick, and each day by HIS grace, and HIS grace ALONE..do we get thru..

We will be the example and the faces of LYME DISEASE. He felt we were strong enough to carry this burden..to carry this oh so heavy load.

WE get the gift of compassion with this sickness!!! amazing..What if everyone was compassionate?

Days like today, I havent a ounce of energy. My souls would love to get dressed and go live life, but my body doesn’t agree. That is why I like driving. I get to be out, in my quiet space. Then I just park and ponder.

What ever your pain, hurt or suffering know it’s not eternal..

Jesus told her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live, even after dying..

 

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About lymelife10

where to begin...loving, married mommy of two beautiful girls.. fighting a daily battle with lyme disease and babesia microti.. awh..so much to say..
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