Well it seems to come out of my mouth more than I’d like. Let me explain.
There is nothing more I want then to be there. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. This is an important time in their life, in the world around us. I need to teach them. The things of meaning. ( maybe this is why I am sick ?) ( I could be teaching those things maybe if I was running around like a chicken. )
( Maybe it took me being bed ridden, to slow down, so I may learn these lessons and pass them on…) That’s the Jesus in me talking.
I hurt for my children. I hurt or their loss. I loved being a mom, driving kids, going to the class, trips, who’s playing with who? Just the everyday conversations..
Now, I haven’t a clue where their there going, when they are going, what their doing! nothing! I am so far out of the loop from being sick and not being able to participate it is a flipping joke. I hate it!
The one thing you want is to be around your children, but sick with Lyme….you don’t want o be around anybody!!
including your children. That hurts my heart!
It’s the niose and the jumping, the screaming and laughing. It’s all those different motions and sounds that makes you want to gouge yours eyes out!
Talk about a catch 22…
They don’t understand. Maddy doesn’t want to know. I think in her mind she has seen enough. Grace just wants to be mommys helper..
I try to reassure them how much I love them, and I want to be at all their activities and Lord willing one day I will.. But, I also want them to be so strong in their faith that no matter what happens to me they know who they are in Jesus Christ, and if mommy died, I would be seated a the right hand of the throne. For these bodies are just earthly vessels. Our real inheritance lies in Heaven…
I know God is working on my children through this. They will be stronger, wiser, loving and more compassionate! These are his children, he has entrusted to me. So with that said, he already knows..He is probably looking down saying ” ah, I have them all where I want them”…
When we are in those uncomfortable places its then we grow. When we are stretched, pushed, shoved, torn, broken, all those things…Its when we really start to shine. That’s when all the suffering, heartache, pain and trials turn into light and brightness, wisdom and discernment..
I know you have me where I am to be, and my children too.I know your plan is perfect and you are good. Please Lord God fill my girls supernaturally that even tho they may be lacking mommy now, that my words I do speak are so of you and filled with you that its refills any emptiness their heart may have…